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overcoming Mrs. Darcy

“Take off your gunns!” Screamed Mrs. Darcy as she waltzed across the levy. “Do you not know your limits? The pan is off the hob and you probably haven’t even washed your hands yet!”

She was correct. I hadn’t washed my hands, however, I had almost overpowered a whole lemon. All by myself! I thought it had called for some pretty big chat, but Mrs. Darcy did not seem to think so.
I was overcome.
Had she beaten me?
Not yet.
I had one trick left up my sleeve.
One night late in early march I snuck inside her and hid my seed deep in the recess. Soon after she began to feel ill every morning. My plan had worked! She was certainly in a pickle now.

By October a whole marrow grew out of her elbow.
I was victorious at last.

now is the time to act!

On this hill the world as we know it collided. There were fridges flying over the countryside and dropping small packages of explosive cheese. Of course, the blenders had to respond. The first wave of hand blenders and the whisk militia were hit the hardest, almost losing 250,000 lives. The worst blow was to troop morale though. Blendy Blenderson got hit. Blown to smithereens. The blenders realised this is not going to be over any time soon. Poor blenders. This is going to be a long, hard, uphill struggle, and they have to win. No matter what. The blenders must survive. This is life or death now. This is the continuation of a species. This is mass extinction. Genocide.

The fridges need to protect their place in the kitchen. Those blenders have been creeping up on every surface. The steamers have already been wiped out by the bastards. Who knows who could be next. The mandolins? Surely not the mandolins. We fridges need to do something now before the blenders spread everywhere. We must stop them. Put them in their place!

NOW IS THE TIME TO ACT PEOPLE!