Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Respect, he said.

Respect, he said
Take the lead and walk with them.
Share it. Just walk with them
and they’ll know what to do.

Correct them first, at home, he said.
Tell them what you want to do,
They’ll gladly follow you.
Just walk, they’ll follow you.

We’re all the same, he said.
Boys and girls and dogs, and the rest.
We all just want respect, he said.
Just walk, they’ll follow you.

Monday, November 30, 2009

glucosamine?

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Sunday, November 29, 2009

overcoming Mrs. Darcy

“Take off your gunns!” Screamed Mrs. Darcy as she waltzed across the levy. “Do you not know your limits? The pan is off the hob and you probably haven’t even washed your hands yet!”

She was correct. I hadn’t washed my hands, however, I had almost overpowered a whole lemon. All by myself! I thought it had called for some pretty big chat, but Mrs. Darcy did not seem to think so.
I was overcome.
Had she beaten me?
Not yet.
I had one trick left up my sleeve.
One night late in early march I snuck inside her and hid my seed deep in the recess. Soon after she began to feel ill every morning. My plan had worked! She was certainly in a pickle now.

By October a whole marrow grew out of her elbow.
I was victorious at last.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

now is the time to act!

On this hill the world as we know it collided. There were fridges flying over the countryside and dropping small packages of explosive cheese. Of course, the blenders had to respond. The first wave of hand blenders and the whisk militia were hit the hardest, almost losing 250,000 lives. The worst blow was to troop morale though. Blendy Blenderson got hit. Blown to smithereens. The blenders realised this is not going to be over any time soon. Poor blenders. This is going to be a long, hard, uphill struggle, and they have to win. No matter what. The blenders must survive. This is life or death now. This is the continuation of a species. This is mass extinction. Genocide.

The fridges need to protect their place in the kitchen. Those blenders have been creeping up on every surface. The steamers have already been wiped out by the bastards. Who knows who could be next. The mandolins? Surely not the mandolins. We fridges need to do something now before the blenders spread everywhere. We must stop them. Put them in their place!

NOW IS THE TIME TO ACT PEOPLE!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

brown bread.

brown bread. how i long for it's sweeter counterpart.

Amazon and furry bears.

Hannah got had, which is funny because she had it coming.

the effects of which i didn't notice until a few days later, as per the usual routine each month, she began her rule of tyranny which only lasted one day this month. it seems she's ashamed.

maybe looking at it now she can laugh about it, because it is actually funny, but at the time she was probably a little shook up and put down. i wasn't there. she was in wales.

at the time of deciding to start a blog i was masturbating, and acheived that insight of which only self pleasure really can provide, watching a shit porn with your hands all over yourself trying desperately to accomodate lust, but only managing wanderings about starting blogs and what books to order off of amazon. in this situation: useful.

i've fallen hopelessly in love, once again, with a soldier who i knew from school and is now off to war. I, being selfish, wanted them to stay so i could avoid talking to them and watch them from afar. a healthy relationship. if it wasn't for mr. D i probably wouldn't touch myself as much, not that i think of him now, but he used to touch you when he spoke. it was like he'd beam his message across (a bit messy in the speech department) to you and you would get it there and then. he'd update your programming once every day in spanish, then go back to the beautiful language of chemistry to round off the day.

bunsen burners and sausages were the main reasons for the whole reagan shooting, not that there even was a shooting, but i think there was. if not, then there should have been. he seems like the type. i couldn't find my scooter that morning when i found, in stead, my keys. not that i had a car anymore, but i liked to keep the spares to look at, or in case i wanted to steal it. i didn't know where it was parked, but i didn't matter because the car wasn't mine now.

in the amazon, they cut down valuable rainforest space to grow books. the advent of internet reading had created a monster. the consumers read too fast now for authors to catch up. now books simply grow from trees not unsimilar to bay trees, but bigger and with books on them. i have reason to suspect they're an odd colour, however i've only seen pictures of them from google search, and they were black and white. book trees that is.